Abusive Relationships

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Abusive Relationships

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Abuse can sometimes be mistaken for intense feelings of caring or concern. Sometimes abuse can even seem flattering; think of a friend whose boyfriend or girlfriend is insanely jealous. Maybe you've thought your friend's partner really cares about him or her. But actually, excessive jealousy and controlling behavior are not signs of affection at all. Love involves respect and trust; it doesn't mean constantly worrying about the possible end of the relationship.

Signs That You Are Being Abused:

*harms you physically in any way, including slapping, pushing, grabbing, shaking, smacking, kicking, and punching

* tries to control different aspects of your life, such as how you dress, who you hang out with, and what you say

* frequently humiliates you or making you feel unworthy (for example, if a partner puts you down but tells you that he or she loves you)

* coerces or threatens to harm you if you leave the relationship

* twists the truth to make you feel you are to blame for your partner's actions

* demands to know where you are at all times

* constantly becomes jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends

Abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual. Slapping, hitting, and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in both romances and friendships.

It's never right to be forced into any type of sexual experience that you don't want. This type of abuse can happen to anyone, anytime.

Any type of unwanted sexual advances that make you uncomfortable are red flags that the relationship needs to focus more on respect. Phrases like "If you loved me, you would . . . " also should warn you of possible abuse. A statement like this is emotional blackmail used by people concerned about getting what they want. Trust your intuition. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

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Many resources are available to help you. Your local phone book will list hundreds of crisis centers, teen help lines, and abuse hotlines. These organizations have professionally trained staff to listen, understand, and help.

Ending abuse and violence in teen relationships is a community effort with plenty of people ready to help. Don't forget about those in your neighborhood: religious leaders, school nurses, teachers, school counselors, doctors, and other health professionals are all sources of support and information.

Remember, abuse has no place in love.

Here are several different resources for people in abusive relationships:

Womenspace: counseling and support groups for women in abusive relationships, emergency shelter for battered women and their children, 24 hour crisis line, 485-6513.

Sexual Assault Support Services: Offers domestic violence support groups, self defense classes, etc., 630 Lincoln, 484-9791.

UO Crisis Line, para-professional counseling evenings and weekends, 346-4488.

University Counseling Center: drop-in clinic, individual, couples, and group therapy, 2nd floor Student Health Center Building, 346-3227.

American Bar Association Commission on Domestic Violence: Information, advocacy, and policy development. Website: http://www.abanet.org/domviol/home.html